dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
