Can Purell be used as lube?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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