Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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