I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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