I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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