just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
