After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
