there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
