i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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