what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
