You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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