Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
