I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
