btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
