So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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