Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
