so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
