i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
