what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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