Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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