so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize