After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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