I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
