I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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