Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
