Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm bleeding and have questions
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