Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
