True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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