she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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