Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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