I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
