Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
