i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
