It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
