So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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