Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
