I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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