grandma shit on top of the toilet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
a search helicopter?!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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