I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
