Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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