we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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