FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize