You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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