Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
