Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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