I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
