Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
