She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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