Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
