Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
