I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
