It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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