i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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