I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
