; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
