I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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