Im at strip club and am horny
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
