We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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