She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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