he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
