By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i want to swaddle you in tequila
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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