You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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