My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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