I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
