I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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