i don't like sucking hair
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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