i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
