Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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