were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
