Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
