i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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